The ManBearPig
by A. R. Tinromen
Summary: Once there was a ManBearPig... and the Wizard of Oz... and some zombies and Billy Mays. My friends and I got bored at the school assembly. Obviously utter nonsense.


Disclaimer: None of this is mine. Not even the ManBearPig: that belongs to my friend Alyx.

**A/N: This is what happened when we all got bored at the Christmas assembly. Special thanks to Austin, Anastazia, Mariah and Dalton.**

Once there was a ManBearPig who went to the Wizard of Oz for cookies, because he really really wanted cookies. These were not just any cookies; they were the most delicious, super chocolaty, diabetes-inducing cookies in the entire universe. However, the Wizard had a problem because he had Type 1.12213747548 diabetes and risked death if he even ate one of them. The only way to cure Type 1.12213747548 diabetes was to eat the ear of a ManBearPig, so the Wizard had only lured the ManBearPig there to steal his ear.

The ManBearPig realized that the Wizards ill intentions and grew wings of sugary goodness. Unfortunately, they were too small to fly with (but they did taste like chicken), so he had to run away to safety instead. The ManBearPig ran to the ocean and started swimming. This wasn't very smart seeing as sugar dissolves in water, but it was okay because he turned the ocean from salt water into sugar water. This made all the sharks very angry, so they all put on war paint and tried to eat the ManBearPig. Regrettably, the sugar water gave all the sharks Type 1.12213747548 diabetes, and they were unable to kill the ManBearPig because they all suddenly became fat. Then they all died of heart attacks because they were fat.

The ManBearPig finally made it to land, but the island he washed up upon was swarming with zombies. They turned the ManBearPig into a zombie by attempting to eat his chicken tasting limbs. The zombies mistakenly believed that all ManBearPigs tasted like chicken, so they decided to make ManBearPig the key staple of their diet, instead of brains. Luckily, the ManBearPig got special powers when he turned into a zombie, and he made all the other zombies die to death.

Suddenly, the amazingly delicious, super chocolaty, diabetes-inducing cookies appeared. (Turns out the Wizard had died and bequeathed the cookies to the ManBearPig). The ManBearPig was super happy and tried to eat them. But there was one problem. The ManBearPig was a zombie, and zombies are physically incapable of tasting chocolate! The ManBearPig became so angry that he used special powers to destroy the island. This was not a very smart move since zombies can't swim either. But providentially for the ManBearPig, Darth Vader showed up with a spaceship and brought him on board. Elvis and Billy Mays were also on the spaceship.

Unexpectedly, there was an amazing whooshing noise, and the TARDIS appeared. The Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS and killed Darth Vader and Elvis with a mace. (Turns out it was just a fake Elvis. The real Elvis was in the TARDIS eating pizza.) Billy Mays didn't want to be killed by the Doctor, so he drowned himself in OxyClean. The Doctor then employed the ManBearPig to help him get Rose back. The ManBearPig agreed on the condition that he could eat any Daleks and Weeping Angels they came across since stone and dalekanium are both staples in the ManBearPig diet.

So the two of them flew off into time and space (after they dropped Elvis off in his proper time). On their travels, they came across a magical purple portal that was guarded by the ghost of Billy Mays.

"May I pass?" asked the ManBearPig

"Only if we duel and you win," responded Billy Mays' Ghost.

The ManBearPig agreed and pulled out a giant plasma gun with a flamethrower extension. The he said, "I'm firin' my lasaahhhh! BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" and he killed Billy Mays' Ghost to death.

After that, the Doctor and the ManBearPig passed through the portal. On the other side of the portal was Munchkinland. The Magical Munchkin Quartet came and serenaded the ManBearPig on their ukuleles, but they were really trying to seduce the ManBearPig into marrying their queen. (Who was Mariah Carey in disguise).

While the ManBearPig was being serenaded, the Doctor investigated the palace. He found out that the Munchkin Queen had a mystic key that, when combined with Mountain Dew, could open holes between the universes without causing the whole setup to implode.

The Doctor went to the Munchkin Queen and asked to have the mystic key, but the Munchkin Queen said she would give it to him only if the ManBearPig married her. While they were talking, who should walk in but the ManBearPig. He fell in love with her immediately (and he had had a secret obsession with Mariah Carey anyway). The two of them were married by a flying monkey that very day. The Munchkin Queen gave the Doctor the mystic key, and he went off to find Rose.

The Doctor then broke through the universe walls and got Rose out of the parallel universe. She was extraordinarily happy to see him. On the way back, the Doctor accidentally used too much Mountain Dew to activate the mystic key and caused his DNA and Roses DNA to meld. Since TimeLord DNA is dominant over human DNA, Rose became a TimeLady. The two of them were both very happy about that.

And they all lived happily ever after

THE END


End file.
